Galileo Galilei

Galileo Galilei
You are quiet in class but when you speak you are very strong and eloquent, and in fact are one of the most thoughtful students we have. So I admit I was disappointed in your paper. However given how persuasive you are in class, and how actively you participate, I am confident you will raise this grade back to an A.

In your re-write, think about getting someone to proof-read the paper before you give it to me. The first sentence has Giordano Bruno being referenced as “He” with the capital H. Normally we reserve that for God (or his Son). The same sentence has an incorrect wording (“… as he was being sentenced of death…” should be “…to death…”). Additional clumsy or wrong word choices are sprinkled through the paper.

Add more of an introduction. Tell the reader what you are going to prove in the remainder of the paper. [Probably that is something about the threats the Church is facing in 1616.] You can hint at the arguments or sources you will use to convince us. In the present paper, you start with the quote by Bruno and I think that is very strong. But tell us after that about the argument you will make and sketch out the rest of the paper. Find sources which explain the Church’s challenges in the library, and use their arguments (giving appropriate credit). Take quotes from them as you do from the online sources.

Similarly, give conclusion. After making all of the strong arguments, remind us of them and then circle back to the introduction and conclude with what you promised us in the introduction. If it is that we should not worry about change, that is fine but currently it is short. You probably want to add about another page (in total) to the paper.

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